Getting Her Phone Number

If you recall what we discussed way back in “Natural Number Swapping”, the best way to get a girl’s number is by not going after the number at all, but by scheduling another meet-up instead. Talk to her for a while, then ask her when she’s free.
As I have mentioned, you don’t want to make a suggestion for a time to meet, because if she doesn’t happen to be free then (which IS unlikely in this day and age), then you’ve got to start tossing out other times to meet, and instantly, you’ve put yourself into an IMMEDIATE dynamic of pursuing her… not good.
In other words, don’t ask her:

“Say, are you free this Thursday?”

Instead, ask her:

“What days are you usually free?”

Once she reveals her schedule, then you can make a suggestion for a time and place to get together. Speak with confidence and as if you expected a “yes” – hesitancy can kill your chances at this point, especially if she’s on the fence about it.
But if you take a strong lead, chances are she’ll just follow – it’s a quality women look for in a man (often unconsciously), not to mention people will tend to follow the path of least resistance, and in this instance, you’re making that the path to saying “yes”, and boom - now she’s following your lead and now you’ve become more attractive to her.
Now, let’s talk techniques… because while they are not really necessary if you come from the right frame, they really can be useful when you’re just starting out and you’re not sure exactly what to say and do.
At the very least, they’re something to fall back on if you draw a blank in the middle of a conversation.
Without further ado, some tactics for getting those digits of hers:

• Bait her into asking you for YOUR number. After you talk about meeting up again, you can simply ask her how the two of you could stay in touch… at this point, she will most likely suggest that you exchange phone numbers. You can then accuse her of being very forward, or pretend like you’re reluctant to give your number out (don’t worry, girls get the joke - although be delicate with this one if you’re way higher in value than she is, or she’s acting like she thinks you are)… and then swap digits.

• It can sometimes be a good idea to ask when a good time to call would be. People are busy, which is why I usually just text… but if I have a feeling I need to speak to a girl some more to make her comfortable with meeting up, I’ll get that intel, just to make sure I won’t call while she’s with her boyfriend, with her parents or at work. You want to make sure you don’t chase women, and you don’t want to play phone tag, either.

• If you’re picking her up in a situation where it’s good to stay innocuous because there are a lot of people around that might throw her judgmental looks for letting herself get picked up, don’t hold up your phone. Hold it in your hand next to your waist and punch the digits in blindly, then hit “send”. You can save the number with her name later when you send her the first text (see: “How to Text a Girl”).

• A very nice, non-gimmicky wording to get a meet-up is a simple yes-ladder… which is, getting a girl to say yes to two simple statements first will make it more likely that she will also say yes to the third. Here’s an example. When you have a nice vibe with her, say: “It’s interesting talking to you.” When she agrees, say: “We should talk again some time.” And once she agrees to that as well, just ask: “When are you free to grab a drink?”
  At this point, she’s already so used to saying “yes” to you that going along with the flow of the conversation is the most natural thing in the world - and the direction the conversation is flowing in, of course, is the two of you exchanging info and meeting again later.
  
• As I had mentioned above, you want to lead women, and come from a position of strength. Instead of asking for her number, TELL her to give it to you. “Write your number down.” Most people are followers, and will do exactly what you want them to do, if you simply tell them to do it. That’s often all it takes… it’s magic.
  
• If she wants to exchange MSN, Skype, email or Facebook instead of a phone number, chances are she’s not that interested – why else would she not want you to have her number? You can’t text girls when all you have is their Twitter (well, you kind of could, but it’s not the same). Of course there might be a hidden boyfriend in the picture, but it’s more likely that giving you her email is just a friendly way of brushing you off. Take it anyway, but don’t spend a lot of time sending emails – it’s not a high probability lead.
  

Next, let’s have a look at some typical objections a girl might throw up when you ask her for the number, what her words REALLY mean and how you should deal with it:

• “My phone is broken,” or anything along those lines. There are really two possibilities here – it’s either a lame excuse because she doesn’t want to give you her number, or – gasp – her phone might actually be broken.
  You will usually be able to tell from her demeanor which of the two it is, but in either case you’re better off believing her. Telling her that you doubt the veracity of what she’s saying implies that you’re used to girls not wanting to give you their numbers. Just ask for another way to get in touch instead.
  
• “I don’t know…” If she’s hesitant to give out her number, take on the dominant frame of the leader again, and just give her a nudge. Say something like, “Go ahead, it’s going to be okay.” When she can tell that you’re certain about what’s going on, she will likely fall in line with what you want to have happen… people always look to other people to see who’s the most certain about any given situation, and then they simply follow that person’s lead.
  Just be that guy who’s most certain, and they’ll follow yours.
  
• If she asks for your number instead, I suggest you just pass – if she doesn’t want you to call her, she won’t call you either. Just say, “No, that’s okay.” If she’s interested, she will often backpedal. And if she does not, you can still follow up with something like, “I don’t give my number out… but we can trade if you want.” That already violates the 80-20 rule of focusing your time on the women who are most interested in you, however. Or, as a sneaky alternative, you can simply agree with her and say, “Sure, let me put it in your phone”, and then dial your number from her cell. Tricks like that can work, but if you need them you usually don’t have enough attraction to take the interaction anywhere fruitful anyway, so I’d just go with option one – pass, or offer to trade numbers (or, even better: ditch the numbers, and try something crazy - ask her to go somewhere with you right then - “You know what? Forget the phone. Let’s go on an adventure. Right now.” This one doesn’t always work, but it can lead to some surprising results with a girl you were otherwise probably never going to see again).